You know what would be great?

If I had a little button on my desk at work that I could push, and out from the sides of my desk would spring two long spindley Dr.Seuss-like robot arms with little white gloves on the ends that would massage my temples when I have spent too many hours looking at tables full of numbers. Also, if there was another button, and a couple more robot arms that would make me an espresso, that would be killer. You could press these buttons whenever you have that "I'm all alone in the world" feeling that comes with realizing that you are the hardest working and simultaneously the lowest paid person on your little office totem pole. It's a totem pole that's kind of shaped like an upsidedown triangle, I think. It teeter-totters from side to side, but the bottom is always on the bottom. Meanwhile, if I were in a movie I'd be digging a hole in my office wall and covering it with a poster of Racquel Welch so no one would know. One of these days I'm busting out of this joint.