Welcome to the nerd show.

I'm going to a neuroscience retreat tomorrow, where graduate students, postdocs, and faculty will mingle and determine whose nerd power is the strongest. There will be epic battles and fights to the death over computational models and fruit fly genetics. There will also be "music and dancing" although I am picturing a junior high school dance with all the boys on one side and the girls on the other side. However, the program of events informs me that alcohol will be served! So perhaps in addition to being awkward, some people will also become belligerent! It should be a good time. The BF and I came up with an idea. You've all seen dog shows. There's best in breed, then best in group, and finally best in show. I think you could do the same thing with types of nerds, if you could call nerds a breed (and I think most people would agree that you probably can). There's the typical bookish computer nerd, characterized by thick glasses, pleated trousers, maybe a pocket protector (although that's a little cliche, now isn't it?), maybe a TI-83 stashed away somewhere on his person for easy access. But there are other types of nerds as well. The long haired nerd, or sci-fi nerd, who plays D&D and dresses in black, usually some kind of computer programmer or at least a gamer. We're all familiar with that one. There's also the nerd who is the coolest among his circle of nerds and so thinks that he is cool among the general population. The hipster nerd, or the nerdster. He is probably not that cool at all, but usually has a wardrobe that suggests that he thinks he knows what's up. An ironic screenprinted t-shirt, say, and Electric Six on his iPod, and he thinks he is worldly and edgy. We came up with another new category that I think is a new one: The nerd-bro. This is a nerd who tries to be a dude-bro, or thinks he is a dude-bro. Who uses his intellectual powers to be a complete jerk. Usually nerd-bros also think they are incredibly suave with the ladies (also a complete illusion). This category of nerds usually results from a lifetime of being picked on by actual dude-bros, and the desire to prove one's superiority in any way possible. Tragically, the nerd-bro turns into the very thing that he once despised. This is the worst of all nerd breeds. Most nerds are harmless and even lovable, but the nerd-bro is deadly and should be avoided at all costs. We tried desperately to come up with female breeds of nerds but came up somewhat dry, except to note that there are also female sci-fi nerds. Sadly, other female nerds tend to be somewhat nondescript. Or perhaps female nerds just end up more well-rounded or well-adjusted, and don't separate themselves out quite so nicely when dumped into a social setting. So now I have totally lost my sense of identity, being a self-proclaimed female nerd. I guess I should be pleased not to be so labelable, but really I'm just sort of sad that I can't be best in show. I'm also sad that I can't come up with a category to fit the word dominerdtrix that I just came up with just now. Because that would be awesome.

If at first we don't succeed, give us more of your money

This post is going to be an extremely off topic rant. You have been warned. There is one commercial on television that I hate more than any other commercial that I have ever seen (with the possible exception of the idiotic freecreditreport.com ones that make me run as fast as I can away from my television set, and maybe the commercials for high fructose corn syrup), and that commerical is for Abilify. The commercial goes something like: "2 out of 3 people with depression are not helped by depression medications. For them, there's Abilify. Taken along with an antidepressant, it can help ease the symptoms of blah blah blah blah..... buy this medication. Oh and p.s. you can get chronic dry mouth, uncontrollable muscle movements, and possibly fall into a diabetic coma. When your antidepressant alone isn't enough, there's Abilify! Talk to your doctor now!" Thanks, Bristol-Myers Squibb. Are you serious? First they go ahead and tell you that antidepressants don't work for a lot of people (in fact, the majority). Then, instead of saying "stop taking the antidepressant if it's not helping you" they say "in addition to taking the antidepressant that isn't helping you, ALSO BUY this other medication, that ALSO may not help you." What's next? "Are you currently taking Zoloft and Abilify, and your depression symptoms persist? Try Buymorasol. When your other two useless medications aren't enough!" Have you seen The Wire? During the first season, a drug dealer is discussing how, if they want to make more money, they water down the drugs so that they get junkies less high, so that they have to buy more. "Funny thing is, the worse we do, the more we make" was the line, in a nutshell. Sound familiar?.... the worse antidepressants work, the more medication you have to buy? Also, in the technical documentation buried in their website they refer to Abilify as an antipsychotic. I feel like most people who end up taking this might be surprised to find out they are on an antipsychotic. Don't get me wrong, I totally support antidepressants, and they are remarkably helpful for many people. But seriously, if an antidepressant isn't working for you, try a different one, or try a different kind of therapy. Don't keep taking the medication that doesn't help. It's a waste of money. So having a commercial advertising a waste of money that will benefit large corporations makes me want to throw my remote at the screen. End of rant.

Knitting nostalgia

I'm working on adapting a ballet sweater I have into a knitting pattern. Although you see ballet sweater patterns all over the place, they're always the wraparound kind, and strangely I never had one like that in all the years I was taking ballet. The kind that I had, I've never seen a pattern for one like it, so I'm keeping everyone in the dark for now until I work it out! It'll be cute though. Ballet warmups are so great for knitting inspiration though -- there are so many specialized accessories that you never see anywhere else but are completely and uniquely functional. I have a knitted pair of boy shorts: why? well, they keep your hips warm. But they've also come in really handy under a skirt in New England fall weather. I also adore all the legwarmers that were bought from dance supply stores way more than any I've tried to knit thus far. I think for a while I'm just going to de-engineer all these pieces to make up patterns. If they ever get lost or (more likely) eaten by moths in my apartment I will be so sad not to have a replacement. The only crummy part is that they're all knit with what looks like lace to fingering weight yarn on what looks like size 2 to 4 needles so it may take my lifetime just to make one piece. *sigh!* I need more hours in my day.

Just MAKE the damn gloves already!

I designed a new pair of gloves for myself, made almost a whole glove, and decided that I didn't like how it looked after all. I've since been swatching and swatching and swatching stitch patterns, trying to get the motif right for the back of the hand. Somehow this is more challenging than I anticipated. My swatch keeps getting bigger! Also it's a little embarrassing when people are like, "so what are you making?" and I have to say "Well, eventually I will make gloves. When I'm ready. But that day is not today." Or "Arrgh, I don't even know anymore! This thing is such a mess! It's a disgrace!" Yelling like that in public is just unbecoming. But slowly, very slowly, it's getting better. One day I will have an actual garment.